Tag: Relationships


To My Young Friends: How Will You Know If It Is Love You’re Feeling?

12
October

I always tell my students (I teach a course on Dating, Courtship, and Marriage in a local Institute of Religion) a simple fact on what happens when a person is totally engulfed in an emotion generally described as infatuation: more often than not, the reason for the attraction is difficult to describe. When infatuated, one finds it almost impossible to pinpoint to a single reason for the attraction.

Here’s a common scenario between two or more friends where one friend asks: what do you like in him/her?  The response is almost always like this: “I’m not really sure. He/she just makes me happy, and I like being with him/her!” … or something like this: “I like his/her eyes. They sort of like ‘speak’!”.

To the one who gave the answer, it’s the truth; it’s his or her reality. Ironically, to the friends or the people around, they find the answer or reason given questionable, most especially if the person being described is, in the perception of the many, not as he/she was described. Then the famous adage: “if you can only borrow my eyes!”. So what then?  Well, as most adults will say, infatuation is a fleeting feeling. It is fleeting (or does not stay long) simply because the reason for the attraction is very shallow.

Then the next question comes: how will one know if what he or she is feeling is true or real love? The answer is best described by David O. McKay when he said: ” My mother once said that if you meet a person in whose presence you feel a desire to achieve, who inspires you to do your best, and to make the most of yourself, such a person is worthy of your love and is awakening love in your heart”.

The Lord’s counsel is simple when it comes to dating, courtship, and in finding the best person for an eternal relationship: prepare well for the best person who will come into your life by becoming the best person yourself! As the counsel suggests: as important as finding the right person is being the right person. Indeed there is truth to the teaching that says “light attracts light”; “intelligence attracts intelligence” …

Lastly, always remember that all of us have a choice; and so when making a decision, most especially on the MOST important decision you will ever do in this life (finding your eternal companion),  make sure that you make a conscious decision, made following the teachings of the gospel as taught be the Lord and His prophets.

 

 

 

 

 

Comment » | Marriage & Relationships

Falling In and Out of Love

11
October

Falling in love … staying in love … falling out of love … and then Falling in love all over again … To the same person you have loved before … Is this even possible?

What if the love that used to be there is gone?

The world’s counsel to warring couples is to get a divorce and spare the children the trauma, the heartache, and the psychological damage which results from seeing parents fight against each other. To many, it is far better to end a destructive relationship and live a new life free from each other; a life with a promise of peace and better days ahead.

But is divorce the only solution?

Statistics show that divorced individuals almost always go through 2 or 3 divorces in their lifetime. Sadly, most end up, in the end, alone. Studies also show that children out of these broken marriages are at least 50% more likely to get a divorce than those from an unbroken home. This is according to Penn State Prof. Paul Amato who is a nationally renowned expert on parent-child relationships. According to him, when both spouses come from divorced families, the odds of divorce are 200% higher.

Some of you may ask: what if the relationship is doomed to fail? What if the conflict is really beyond settlement? What if there is abuse in the home? Experts describe this type of situation as “high conflict” – and in such situations, divorce is seen as the most practical way out.

I remember a song by Deana Carter with these words …

Look at me, I’m in a place
I never thought I’d be
Don’t have the strength to fight anymore
Or a reason not to leave
So tell me why I still keep holding on
To something I just cannot see

What makes you stay
When your world falls apart?
What makes you try one more time
When it’s not in your heart?

At the end of your rope
When you can’t find any hope
You still look at him and say
I just can’t walk away
Tell me, what makes you stay?

Indeed, what will make you stay?

If the marriage situation is kind of existential, and this is described as a condition where the challenge is more on the quality of life rather than a violation of trust, most marriage counselors admonish couples to stay together and work things out, beginning with marriage counseling.

Fall In Love Again

You married each other because you “fell in love” some time ago; and maybe, somewhere along the line, you “fell out of love”. Why did this happen? Reasons can be aplenty. Suffice it to say that love does not just die by itself; neglect is usually the cause. Many married couples fail to nurture or nourish the relationship, not necessarily intentionally, but maybe because little did they realize that love is a “living thing”; it needs to be nurtured to flourish and bloom.

“Fall in love again” with each other – this is the counsel of the Lord. How? Maybe you can begin by taking a step back and re-evaluating your relationship, more on what you have not done – not what your partner failed to do. Then, resolve to do more and be more; in becoming a better spouse or partner. The key is doing all that you can do, and making God your partner in working at your relationship. At first it may not yet work as you would want, but in the long run, as you consistently do your part, things will get better. Your partner will see the change in you; the new and better you.

That will hopefully bring in a new leaf into your marriage …

 

 

 

Comment » | Marriage & Relationships

Why Do Long Forgotten Memories of Past Hurts Come Back?

7
October

Have you ever asked why long forgotten memories of past hurts come back?

I have, because just very recently, they all came back – memories of people (of old “friends”) and words and actions by these “friends” that hurt me way, way before.

I have long forgotten them, and what was said, and the hurt I felt.

So now I am asking myself these questions: “Why?” and “Why now?”

Could it be because our loving Father in Heaven wants us to be at peace with others as well as with ourselves?

Maybe this is part of a bigger plan. I believe these memories, feelings, and people, came back in order for me to make amends – if ever I was the one who wronged them.  I also believe that this is God sent – the chance to finally forgive them who wronged me… So I can finally live in peace … no extra baggage of resentment and hatred, and of guilt.

For the chance to say I am sorry; and for the chance to finally say I have forgiven them, I am grateful.

 

Comment » | Reflections and Perspectives

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